Break.

What breaks once, remains broken.
People break. They seem to heal but the fault lines remain and you realise that a bit too late. Time doesn’t heal, it just covers up. You seem to forgive but you don’t and they realise that a bit too late.

People break. Easier than glass. You try to pick them up but they shatter into a million more pieces. And each time, you lose a piece. You break. After a long time of holding on. They try to help you but you can see them hiding one piece at a time in their back pockets where it lays forgotten.

Someone made me realise that I’m very vague. Comes with being a writer, I guess. You’re so used to disguising your emotions as words that after a time, it becomes natural. Vagueness genuinely creeps into your words and your intentions, which can be quite annoying especially when others notice it but you don’t. I, myself, admitted that I’m weak. I’ve wanted to talk about it for quite a while. There were a million people ready to listen but somehow, it was easier to talk to him. I’m grateful for that. Thanks, man.

It’s a scary prospect. History is repeating itself. I’m terrified. This time, I’m old enough to understand. This time, I’m a part of it. This time, I’m one of the reasons. What have I done . . . I need help, I don’t want it. I want help, I don’t deserve it.

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23 thoughts on “Break.

  1. Something I’ve realised, history often repeats itself in such a deceptive manner, that you don’t know it’s happening until the damage has been done. Yet with every repetition you get better at damage control. That’s the hope at least. Every time you break, the pieces seem to get smaller. But you know what, you get better at picking them up. You get smarter. It doesn’t justify them breaking you but it makes it easier to keep trying. Its a blessing and one hell of a curse.

    Liked by 1 person

      • TouchΓ©. However you can’t be tired forever. Someone or something is bound to come along and give you a reason not to be tired anymore. πŸ˜‰πŸ™‚
        Secondly you don’t know, for sure, it’ll break. Yeah It may have the first 100 times. Yeah history repeats itself. But every rule has an exception. And that exception is worth trying for. That exception is what this broken soul is living for. πŸ™ƒ

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Life is like a tetris game
    Most blocks rain down like artillery shells
    An armageddon of pain and destruction,
    But every once in a while
    A block just the right kind
    Just the right shape
    Snaps into the cracks those other blocks left
    And wipes the pain away

    Liked by 1 person

  3. already so much pain in the world, sort of pointless to bring in more, don’t you think?

    But life is seldom so straightforward.

    Anyway, nothing is really meant to be anyway – the wrong block may end up being just the one you need – and we don’t really have a purpose, except ones we assign to ourselves. As such, we hold a degree of power in how much something affects us.
    And yet, we don’t.

    I guess there’s no right answers in life, nor is there really an answer to why we continue living when it’s practically pointless – everything ends, so why bother? So if you’re continuing to live and breathe and write and eat and fall and bruise and drink water and read the news, I guess you’re hoping for something.
    And it’s something you choose to have, even if it is predetermined in some ways.

    And while you’ll make mistakes and inevitably, due to the weaknesses and strengths of humanity, regret a lot.

    But whether you chose to do that thing that caused you regret, was in your hands. As such, most things are like a cup of tea inside a little flask – you don’t know if it’s nice and hot or if it’s gone cold – but you don’t need to have the tea and find out.

    But then you’ll regret not trying the tea, won’t you?
    Especially if it’s peppermint.

    Mmmmmm.

    Point is, regret is inevitable. Pain is inevitable. As cringy and idealistic as it may sound, assuming you choose to continue living, you just take that pain, experience it, and keep on chugging along.
    Nothing else to do, really.
    Unless you choose to die.
    So that’s your power, and most people’s power.
    It’s not much, and not too powerful, and the sad thing is everything we do involves a choice, but at least this power lets us pick.

    Or best, just play another game.

    Liked by 1 person

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